Recurrent Loser.

I like that term better than "habitual aborter." Somehow I had hoped that after giving birth one time to a healthy baby I would never have to endure the pain of miscarriage again. I knew that was really wishful thinking, but here I am. Already. My son is going to be 8 months old on Saturday and I am pregnant again (for the moment). I realize an infertile reading this is going to scream and say, "F you- I don't want to hear you complain about a damn thing, you have your miracle and you should be grateful." I am extremely grateful for my miracle, but I realize now that this was not the end of my losses. I can't keep going through this, it is physically and mentally draining. Because I will be turning 40 soon, we decided that we would not "try" to get pregnant, but that we would not "not try" either. IMHO, you are technically trying if you are not using protection. Either way, by some miracle I got knocked up **almost** like a normal person. Very strange indeed. Not even sure why I took a pregnancy test, but it came back positive right away. I finished the last few sips of wine in case this would be a long-term thing. My hcg on Halloween was 39 (probably 12dpo). Two days later my hcg was 127. It tripled, but then so did the hcg with my last blighted ovum...

Now, tell me if it is strange that I am already bugging my doctor's office for the earliest possible ultrasound so that I can get this overwith. I have planned the d&c in my head and need it to be on Nov. 23rd or at the very latest, the 30th. Those are the only days my husband and I are both available. I do NOT want to drag this out like last time I had a blighted ovum. How do I know it is a blighted ovum, you ask? Well, for starters I have no breast tenderness. Same as with my blighted ovum in December/January 2009 if you care to read. My main "symptom" is that I am completely and utterly exhausted. And that is probably from taking care of an almost 8 month old while working a lot. Fortunately, this kind of thing is a million times easier than when it happens before you have a live baby. I am very distracted between work and my son that I often forget that I am pregnant at all. NOT a good sign, really, as far as a healthy pregnancy goes. At least my doctor hasn't said, "Think positive." Yet. I think he knows that this is a blighted ovum, too. The whole thing is sad, but there is FAR less anxiety associated with it after having gone through this all sooooo many times already.

Will update again as soon as I get everything figured out. My guess now is that nobody is going to want to read a blog like this... I apologize for being "that" person.

Another reason I know this is a blighted ovum is that my husband and I share a dq alpha match of 4.1. My husband is an 0201, 0401 and I am an 0301, 0401. Men who contribute a sperm with 0201 will always be blighted ovums. Which sucks. I HATE having d&cs. They are just plain unpleasant.

Anyway, we will see how this goes and if I can get an earlier scan. In the meantime, I will sit here with my zero symptoms and start the grieving process for another loss...