Update...ish

Not really much of an update, but whatever. I still have zero symptoms other than fatigue and very occasional heartburn. Even the pulling sensation I had a few days ago is gone. Still no sore boobs, which is kinda nice in the sense that I don't have to do the endless "boob checks" that us repeated losers do. I will admit to an occasional one, but certainly not 10,000 of them. Still no nausea, which is also a bit nice since I hate feeling like I am going to throw up all the time...

So, basically still a blighted ovum. I was able to convince my doctor's office that I needed an ultrasound before Thanksgiving so that I would have a better idea of when to schedule the D&C. It's funny, we just found out that a friend of ours is pregnant for the second time and I can guarantee you the thought of a miscarriage hasn't even crossed her mind. Must be nice. I at least got to experience what it was like to have sex and actually get pregnant quickly and let me tell you, it was really weird. I felt like a traitor at first since this is nowhere infertiles are usually welcome. I even sensed a little jealousy from a close friend who had a short bout with infertility and is now pregnant. I think no matter what, we all feel a little stab when someone gets pregnant so easily, even if it is after enduring more than most people should ever have to endure in the infertile world. I always keep in mind that there are people who have endured far more than I have and may never get their miracle. The only thing that makes me feel like less of a traitor is the fact that I am carrying an empty gestational sac around and have to wait until the first week of December for my D&C. That is more "infertile-like." As you can tell, I feel far more comfy in the infertile world.

No matter what, anyone who has suffered a miscarriage (or FIVE), will forever be robbed of the pure elation of a bfp should bring. Once you know what can and does happen it is never the same, even if you got pregnant your first cycle after your rainbow baby.