I am not even sure what to think now. The nurse called me this morning to give me the results of yesterday's bloodwork. My hcg went up to 289. That means it tripled in 48 hours. Normally that would be a good sign, but with my progesterone at 17.1 as of the 19th, I am still concerned. The nurse wants to do another blood test next Monday. To me, that sounds like 2012. Are you kidding? That is FIVE days from now. That is an eternity in the world of an infertile. This truly is all a very sick joke.
Speaking of sick jokes, I went in yesterday to do my intralipid treatment and the room I got to do it in is the room where only pregnant people are allowed to be (thank god my hcg levels actually qualified me for that!). It is the relaxing spa-like room where they hook people up to the fetal heart monitor and ultrasound machine to check on their babies.
The lady who was laying there when I first walked in was carrying twins and she was at 29 weeks and having contractions. The heartbeats were soooo loud. I wanted to ask them to turn the volume down, but I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I was just lucky that they were willing to do this intralipid treatment since it is so controversial, so I kept my mouth shut. At first it was very upsetting to hear the one thing that I may never get to hear for myself. I haven't even made it to an ultrasound. Well, I take that back. I did once, but there was absolutely NOTHING in my uterus. That started the whole concern for an ectopic. Blah, blah, blah. So, anyway, the heartbeats ended up being more fascinating than anything. The first lady got up to leave and I couldn't believe how skinny she was. No wonder she was having contractions!
The second girl walked in (I say girl because she could not have been more than 17 years old). She was wearing a tank top with skulls and cross bones all over it and her bra straps peeking out and initially, my thought was, "OMG, how come SHE gets to stay pregnant and I never do!?". Never judge a book by its cover. The poor girl was giving her baby up for adoption. No matter how much you don't want that baby, it still must be so hard to give it up in the end. I wanted to tell her how happy she is going to make some family and how truly selfless the act of giving up her baby is, but I didn't want to be poke my nose where it didn't belong. Maybe she would have been offended. Either way, I admire her courage.
The third girl must have been an infertility patient at some point. She seemed like the type who could't believe that she had made it this far and was still thinking that she might not make it all the way. She only had 7 weeks to go, but was completely freaked. Fortunately, the baby was fine, but this gave me a glimpse into the future if I were ever to make it that far myself. I'm freaking out more than you can imagine already and I am only a few days into this business. Not sure if I have what it takes to make it all the way. Too many things out of my control. I feel like I have already learned the lesson that I have absolutely no control over anything, but maybe I really haven't. Maybe I will never learn that.
So after sitting with an IV dripping pure FAT into my body for 2.5 hours, it was time to go. Can't wait to see what that looks on my "thass" (my word for 'thighs' and 'ass' since mine seem to be one in the same- I inherited that from my mom's side which is why I hadn't been all that against using a donor egg from the get-go). Of course, I came home and decided that this would be the perfect night to try a new restaurant up the street called, "Indulge Burgers and More." I'm sure there was no fat at all in that burger and fries. Yesterday must have been close to a 10,000 calorie day :( YIKES. And if I make it past an ultrasound, I will have to do this intralipid thing once a month for the next 5 months. Bring it on!
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