I didn't post yesterday, but still wanted to wish everyone a Happy Festivus (yeah, that holiday for the rest of us!). Now, on to Christmas. Usually I just go with Merry Christmahanukwanzaakah, so as not to offend anyone. I don't really celebrate according to any religion, but usually just enjoy the excitement of the holiday season and getting to catch up with friends and family. This year, we had planned not to celebrate at all as it has been one of our more difficult years. We didn't even send holiday cards or put up a tree (though that was partly due to the arrival of little Gus, the kitten.). The last five years have really not been stellar, but we at least managed to put up a tree and get the holiday cards out. After DH lost his job last year and I had my myomectomy and then the failed IVF, things got tougher. We had always at least had travel to fall back on and now we don't even have that :( The ups and downs of this year have been particularly up and down. Getting jobs and losing jobs was really hard. DH was hired by two different airlines and was then laid off due to the economy. So, basically he has been laid off from 3 different airlines in a year and a half. That must be a record. He finally has a decent job, but not in the airline industry. He has handled it very well, much better than I ever could. I know that he just wants to fly and it makes me sad that he can't do that. Fortunately I still have my job, but of course I got a pretty big pay cut, so that was both an up and a down.
The time leading up to our 2nd IVF was more of an up, with all of that hope. Then, the failing of the IVF was a major down, with no hope left. I was coming to terms with my reality and working hard to try to accept it and just 'be.' Now, this pregnancy has been sort-of an up and a down. I say that only because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. The pregnancy itself is beyond miraculous. The keeping of the pregnancy is now the hard part. I am trying so hard to enjoy it in some way each day. I am grateful for each second of it, but I am beyond terrified. I worry about not having many symptoms, though I do find that my nose is working overtime. I swear everything I smell is 10x stronger than it normally is. Going to the grocery store is now a very interesting experience. There are so many different smells in a grocery store. I never noticed it until now.
This morning I got up at 6am with the help of Gus' back claw ripping through my nose as he jumped on the bed to beg for breakfast. I don't know if it is the heparin or not, but my nose wouldn't stop bleeding. Now I have an ugly scab. Anyway, I got up and headed to the lab for yet another blood draw. I got there 25 minutes before they opened because there usually is a line of 20+ people by then waiting for them to open. I was actually the first one there and the ONLY one until just before they opened. I was out of the lab by 7:11am, a new record. I had planned to be there until at least 10am. I even had time to stop at the grocery store on the way home to pick up something to bring to our friend's house tonight. Because we live in AZ, we typically don't go home to WI for the holidays (or any time during the winter for that matter). Most people who live in AZ are not actually FROM here, so there are always other people that can't get back to where they are from to hang out with during the holidays. Of course we would love to see our family, but that is why we gave everyone web cams for Christmas :) Now we can put the camera on the nice green grass and blue sky so that they consider coming to AZ next Christmas.
So, now I am off to go and try to enjoy every second of today and see what happens. Oh, I almost forgot- I emailed Dr. Sher yesterday and he recommended that I do the intralipids every 2 weeks until 20 weeks+. That is a LOT of intralipids (read: fat). Fortunately they are only $400 each vs. the $4000 each for IVIg. I still can't even imagine making it past 5 weeks, so 20 is not on my radar...
No comments:
Post a Comment