Sunday, February 21, 2016

Almost a year

Life happens so quickly! It has been almost a year since my last post. Seems unreal. My son will be turning FIVE in less than 2 weeks! And my daughter will turn FOUR in July. Unbelievable really. They are both doing very well.

My son is in preschool and is doing well and making friends, which is a relief. His teacher does not notice any sensory issues and has no concerns about him so that is great. I still worry about the next few years, but hopefully he will do well. Eye contact is still an issue with new people. His OT mentioned that he still has reflexes that should have disappeared at age 1. This indicates an immature nervous system and can affect learning so I will be keeping a close eye on it. My husband wants to take a break from OT (more from the financial commitment), which I understand but the whole reflex thing xoncerns me. My husband is ignorant about child development so I will be the one in charge of making sure my son gets the help he needs going forward. In order to do that and also to be there for my daughter's upcoming surgery (more on that in a minute), I have decided to take a year leave of absence from work. I am waiting to see if it is approved. I will have to quit if it is not approved, which makes me a little sad but I will have no choice. I have enjoyed that part of my life to some extent (though the majority of the time I find the job very stressful). It has been a huge part of my identity, but I have always wanted to try doing something totally unrelated. We will see if any opportunity presents itself. I will keep my current certification and license just in case...

Back to my daughter's surgery. It is one I have been dreading since her birth. She was born with a giant congenital hairy nevus on her back. It covers 40% of her back so it will require multiple surgeries and skin expansion (google that to see why i dread this!). It is almost a perfect circle and is beautiful to me. I am afraid she will not agree when she is a teenager. I hate making the decision for her, but with the increased risk of melanoma we feel it is in her best interest to do the removal now. We have been doing some psychological preparation and she seems to accept the idea. Her only question is always, "Is it gonna hurt?" I can't lie to her so I tell her that it may hurt a bit, but that she can tell us if it does and we can give her medicine to make the pain go away. I worry about the actual surgery a lot because of her MTHFR gene mutation. I need to consult with the anesthesiologist who will be doing her surgery to make sure she gets the safest anesthetics for her condition. I have had trouble with processing anesthesia and now realize it is due to this mutation.

Between the surgery, work and my husband's non-traditional (read: shitty) work schedule, life is hard. But amazing nonetheless. It is certainly not a hard life compared to many so I cant really complain. I just need to make some adjustments to make it work for where I am currently at in terms of what I can handle. We have no family in town to help so it can be a real juggling act some days, especially the weeks that my husband is gone for 4-5 nights straight. Being a pilot's wife sounds glamorous, but I assure you that it is NOT once you have a family. You are basically a single mom. (Kudos to all the single moms out there!). All of our pilot friends' wives don't work outside the home (I am starting to see why!), so I will try it to see if it reduces my stress level. I know that I am extremely fortunate to be in the position to not work for a year.

Other than that, life is going pretty well. We just went to Orlando and then on a Disney cruise to the Bahamas with my parents. My dad will be 80 this year so he wants to create happy memories for us while he is still able to.  The trip was so much fun even though the weather wasn't good and we were all sick with some terrible upper respiratory virus. It was a much needed vacation. Our second real vacation since 2010!! Oh, and very important to note- we went on the same exact ship that our miracle son was conceived on!!! How is THAT for a special memory!!!

On March 5th, our miracle baby's birthday, we will do the Resolve Walk of Hope. We have been wanting to do it for a long time. Last year I was still dealing with the broken toe. This year, with it falling on our son's birthday, seems like just a special year to do it. We want to do what we can to help and support others who are struggling through the hell that is infertility.

I don't know if anyone will ever come across this blog, but I hope it will be of some help to someone out there. I wrote for my own sanity during a difficult time, but also to help others feel less alone with their negative thoughts. Hoping that now this blog can also give hope to those who need it.

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